"Hey, have you heard about Fatty Fossil?"
"The old hooker? Yeah, she's quite a character. Almost a century old and still bangin’."
"Yeah, and her motto is something else: 'Maybe she’s born with it; maybe it’s Pleistocene'."
"I heard something strange happened to her recently. Found some weird syringe by the Yamhill Pub."
"Really? She's seen plenty of those in her time, what made this one so different?"
"Well, she shot up as usual but didn't get the high she was expecting. Instead of heroin, there was something else in that syringe."
"What do you mean 'something else'?"
"It changed her somehow. Her cells shifted like tectonic plates and she started shedding pounds. It was like looking at a stranger in the mirror."
"She must've been desperate to find more of that stuff then."
"Yeah, scoured every inch of the West Hills, Nordstrom’s changing rooms and even dug through dumpsters behind the Multnomah Athletic Club. She wasn't Fatty Fossil anymore, just a skinny prehistoric junkie with an insatiable craving for Ozempic."
"That sounds... awful. She must feel like an alien in her own body."
"You're not wrong. The world looks different to her now. Everything seems brighter. She wanders around Chinatown and the Skidmore Fountain area as if seeing them for the first time."
"But it can't all be good news..."
"Nope, it's not. Her new figure hasn't won her any favors either. Those who used to admire her Brontosaurusness now shun her itty frame. Even regulars at the Yamhill Pub, those ones who projectile vomit onto sidewalk, don’t fuck her now.”
"So much for being slim and energetic then…"
"Exactly! It's like losing who she was. Fatty Fossil gone, replaced by a frail hag craving Ozempic.”
"A triumph turned sour indeed…"
This is why so many crave Ozempic! You lose not only weight but also your soul...
“Almost a century old and still bangin’.”
That made me laugh.
Nice piece brother.